Trusting your gut or intuition

I am writing this blog whilst undergoing my 8th three weekly round of chemotherapy. This is something to celebrate as it is my last toxic, systemic, “kill everything” chemotherapy. So, whilst I will continue with three weekly infusions of targeted and immunotherapy treatments, I won’t experience the same side effects i.e. deep fatigue like feeling like I have been run over by a bus, nausea, being unable to drink anything cold for 2-3 days, and peripheral neuropathy in hands and feet. YAY!!!!

I always love to stop at transitional moments and just reflect and learn from my experiences and plan the next phase – as much as you can with a beast like cancer.

The ending of this phase of chemotherapy and entering another phase of treatment has provided me an opportunity to reflect on the many gifts that cancer brings. Whilst it is most definitely an awful illness and the treatments very rough as anticipated, there has also been some blessings since my diagnosis.

I am definitely not the same person I was six months ago, prior to diagnosis. As many/most people with cancer or other long term illnesses note, there is the “me and my life before cancer diagnosis” and the “me and my life after cancer diagnosis”.

As Haruki Murakami notes below, you won’t be the same person when you come out of the storm. After my personal storm of a cancer diagnosis and first six months of treatment, I feel more resilient, more embodied and I trust myself so much more than I did prior to diagnosis.

"When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about” – Haruki Murakami.

I am more finely attuned to my body and its signals and take the time to listen deeply to my “gut brain” as opposed to my “head brain”.

We all possess these three brains – a head brain (the thinking mind), the heart brain (our feeling self and basis of our heartfelt presence) and the gut brain. The current world we live in prioritises living in our head brain. All my psychology training focused on the neck up. But in fact, 80% of information goes from the gut to the brain and only 20% travels from the head brain to the gut brain (and often via the heart brain).  

Other words for gut brain are intuition or I love the word my “knowingness”– we all know that saying “trust your gut”! This means bypass your thinking brain and trust your own embodied wisdom and knowingness, your intuition.

And I have learnt to prioritise my gut and heart brain more since diagnosis.

My head brain is full of “shoulds” and concern about what people will think about the treatments and therapies I am choosing. For example, I fast for 48 hours over chemotherapy (based on both what I have read and backed up and recommended by people on my team). My gut brain and intuition senses this has been the right thing to do in this phase of treatment. Yet when I am in the clinic receiving my chemotherapy and turn down the ever-present club sandwiches and ginger slice on offer, I can feel them looking a little sideways at me when I say I am fasting.

Or when the occasional complementary therapist suggests I don’t need the chemotherapy at all, I also trust my gut brain that I can choose and need both conventional and complementary treatments.

The ability to trust myself and the wisdom of my body or the “gut brain”, has been key to my wellbeing during this phase of cancer treatment. I have researched and explored various complementary treatments and therapies and have learnt to trust my own wisdom about what to put in place and what to leave behind.

And I have had so many different treatments and therapies recommended to me. My intuition has enabled me to sift through all these and choose the people I feel will support me the most. I now have a solid regular team of people around me who feel just right for me right now.  

I hesitantly went to have a colonic irrigation (as recommended by a naturopathic GP) and loved it. I have been returning regularly. The treatment felt so right in my body. I highly recommend to anyone with or without any disease!

I hesitantly saw a hypnotherapist, but my own wisdom told me not to return. I didn’t particularly like him, or his approach and I was able to listen to my intuition and decline a second appointment.

There are a few key elements that are needed in order to listen to the gut brain/intuition/knowingness:

1. Slow down. When we are busy, we are more likely to experience pranic energy which is upwards moving energy. When we are busy, we are less likely to be in our body (apanic energy or downwards moving energy helping earth us in our bodies) and more likely to be in our heads. So, taking the time to slow down is important

2. Stay embodied – for me this is a result of both slowing down and being intentional about sensing into my body. I exercise regularly, practice yoga frequently, and meditate almost daily. In all of these movement practices I sense into my body, I get to know it and familiarize myself with its sensations. I don’t just move my body routinely or habitually without sensing (this is what I used to do and wondered why I kept injuring myself!).

3. Knowing what feels right and what doesn’t – and trusting those messages! From both slowing down and being embodied, I know the sensations in my body when something feels right. And I know the sensations when something feels wrong. And I stop and listen to those messages as being important (rather than ignoring them and returning to the head brain and the should).Being able to trust my wisdom means I spend less time dithering between choices (and that means a lot as I am a Libran, known to dither between choices!). I feel more secure in the decisions I make. I also feel a sense of agency over my treatment as I am making the correct choices for me right now.

And this knowingness flows out into other parts of my life including work and forever trying to find that work/life balance. I am trusting myself about what I can start picking up workwise and what I need to leave behind still so that my wellbeing remains at the foreground of my life.

This is one of the many blessings of cancer. I am no longer hesitant about what I want and need. I just know and trust my intuition.

I encourage you to explore the beauty of your own knowingness and enjoy!