Allowing ourselves to be held during difficult times

My last blog focused on the different ways that we can hold space for ourselves – a great way we can care for ourselves when going through challenging issues such as health issues or just other difficult times. The focus was on needing to remind ourselves that we are worthy so we can feel ok about holding the space for ourselves, putting ourselves at the forefront of other people.

Recently I have been contemplating the flip side of this – the importance of allowing ourselves to be held both by other people and the world around us. Whilst it’s great that we learn to hold space for ourselves, it is equally important to learn to allow ourselves to be held, to feel supported by others’.  We don’t have to navigate these difficult or challenging times by ourselves.

There are many different ways we can be held. We can be held in the thoughts of others, by the messages of love and healing we get sent. We can also be held by yoga props and the world around us, the earth and space. And when I allow myself to be held, it makes me feel less alone.

Being held by others is so special. This can be simply the offers of help from friends and family- every offer of help is an offer of being held. We need to absorb and feel that support. I feel held by the multiple people involved in my cancer treatment – these people are all part of my “healing team” and provide support by being the kind, lovely people that they are.

I also feel very held I the thoughts of others. During my new cancer journey I have received many lovely texts, DMs, phone calls etc sending love and healing wishes. People also often comment that they are thinking of me but don’t want to hassle me with texts etc.  All I can say is – send the messages to those you are thinking about and sending love to.  I personally find these small messages of aroha and love really supportive. I can choose whether I have the energy to respond or not.  But all the messages are appreciated. Really appreciated.

When I was first diagnosed, my thoughtful daughter created a jar with the label “To open on hard days”. It was filled with bits of paper but I couldn’t see what was written on them. I didn’t look inside for many weeks. Then I had a hard day, a day full of nausea and deep fatigue. A day when I couldn’t even read a book as I just felt so tired, despondent and with not much hope. I opened the jar and found encouraging messages from friends and family that my daughter had gathered. This jar of love held me. I felt so supported by all those who had written these messages to me. Again I felt less alone. It was a beautiful feeling.

Another way we can be held is by doing restorative yoga or supported yin yoga– allowing our bodies to be supported by the bolsters and blankets and the earth underneath us and space around us. When we are doing restorative yoga, we yield to the props – both giving our weight and our bodies to the support’s underneath us whilst at the same time receiving the support back up – I always like to imagine that the props have little fingers that are actively supporting me, holding me. Then I can soften, yield, relax and allow myself to be held. Bliss.

As someone going through a difficult time:

Absorb every offer of support even if you don’t accept that offer right in that moment–feel it. That heart felt hug. That gift from a friend. The homemade card from colleagues’ children. All beautiful and special offerings.

Meditate on the offerings - I use these messages of love in an intentional way during my meditation practice. I harness the love and energy that I have received, and sense into the love and generosity that the love was sent with and I gather it into my heart and body – so every single cell receives it. What powerful healing that can be. I am not alone in this cancer journey. I am held.

As a supporter:

-send those texts and messages even if you think you might be bothering someone. It can feel huge on a difficult day. Do it.

And just like learning to hold space for ourselves, we need to learn to be ok with allowing ourselves to be held and supported by others’. We have to feel ok saying yes to offers of meals, or rides to treatment or any other kind offers that might come your way. We don’t have to do it all by ourselves. And if we truly allow ourselves to be held, can you feel the difference? The softening, the yielding, like a deep sigh of surrender. Ahh. Pure love and bliss.