Common Barriers To Self-Care
Over the last 30 years working as a psychologist, I have had the pleasure of working with many people who struggle with self-care and the whole notion of putting themselves first. It is also something I have struggled with personally, as someone in a caring profession. Let’s see if you can identify with any of these common barriers to self-care:
Self-care is selfish
We live in a society where prioritizing our own needs is perceived as "selfish". Selfish is described in the Oxford Dictionary as “ lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure”. However, I see self care as one of the most unselfish things we can do. Self-care is community care– if we fill our own cup up first, we then have enough left over to care for others without depleting ourselves. If we look after ourselves then looking after others becomes sustainable. This is the equivalent of putting your own life jacket on first.
I don’t have time….
This is one of my own personal struggles. The reality is that we ALL have the same amount of time in the week and the year. Yet some of us struggle with this more than others. I love what Roger Housden says:
“the great work of being human is to live in the worlds of stillness and movement, time and timelessness, at one and the same time. You don’t have to get to silence, openness, awareness. In fact, you can’t. You only have to recognise that the stillness at the centre of time is already here. It’s a direct experience, not a journey. Dropping the struggle with time isn’t something you do; it’s a spontaneous relaxation, a falling backward into what is already present. When we know the stillness at our core as a lived experience in the everyday, we breathe more easily, we go about our days differently. To be still and still moving is to know the end of time, even as the clock is ticking”
(from his book Dropping the Struggle; Seven Ways to Love the Life you Have)
When we delve into practices that encourage stillness – such as gentle slow movement practices, yin yoga and restorative yoga and meditation, it is possible to drop our struggle with time. And by spending time on (and with) ourselves, life can feel more spacious somehow.
I’m not worth it….
This one is also one I’ve struggled with in the past. And again, it is the practices that have supported me seeing myself in a different way. iRest yoga nidra in particular is supportive of us finding that underlying presence of ourselves that is always whole, perfect and complete – never lacking and flawed and never in need of changing or fixing ourselves. It is such as different and refreshing way to be in the world.
I’m not flexible and can’t do yoga…
This is another idea I have struggled with. I completed my yoga teacher training with a lot of trepidation. I was older (my kids told me I was going to be the oldest person there as I was 50 years old at the time). I had physical difficulties after a knee injury and was living with constant pain. There was so much I could not do. A few years later I had a full knee replacement. I now no longer live with pain but I also live without full functionality of my knee. There are some yoga poses I will ever be able to do. But yoga to me is SO much more than being able to do difficult poses. Yoga is about finding that essence and stillness within – using gentle slow movement to do so. You DON’T have to be flexible to do yoga!
